January 2008
Occasionally, Wonkette still does what Wonkette does best.
At least they're better than the hipsters at...
I actually believe oubursts such as these are a fun part of the rich fabric one weaves just by stepping out the door in the morning. The preaching Christ’s true word part reminds me of the time a buddy and I were on our way to class and we passed the street preacher whom we glibly referred to as ‘Jesus Guy’ going on a riff against rap lyrics from a feminist point of view (HA!)....
Hey! Governor Carcieri! Punctuating half your State of the State (!) with exclamation (!) points in the style of an over-caffeinated blogger (sometimes even doubles (!!)!)?! Not all that professional looking on paper (!), as it turns out!!!
Chuck D was like almost 30 when he started Public...
Just sayin’ is all.
Never too early to never forget
Okay, I know I link to him enough that it would seem I’m totes man-crushing on a gay dude, but whatever. ‘9/11 came early’ is one of the best turns of phrase available to we cynical fucks today, and I don’t care who knows it. Also, my actual Gawker alumn crush beat him to the punch like ages ago. And she turned it into haiku.
“TT Reynolds
10414 Main St.
Fairfax, Va, 22030
More info to follow, but the...”
– from a friend. Keep hope alive, bitches.
And also, South Philly what, bitches
The Roots have always been damned with a lot of faint praise for being the best band in hip-hop. But there’s something beautifully, bitterly melancholic about their best songs that so tidily wraps up the personal and political, the sacred and profane such as to raise the entire genre to an art form. This came on the juke on an uncharacteristically somber night at a NOVA dive that almost...
It would be cooler if it were a Discman
There’s this one dude in my office that walks around all day with earbuds in, jacked into his iJobs in perpetuity. Early thirties, freshly post-marriage; not exactly the type whose silloutte you’d see gyrating to Bono’s warblings against seizure-inducing electric blues and purples. All in all, he kinda reminds me of the quirky ethnic character from a late 80’s/early...
‘I’m Winston Wolfe. I solve problems.’
There’s an ad running in the Post for Tony Kornheiser’s radio show that simply reads “Sarcastic. Sardonic. Ironic.” One would hope the copy writer was attempting to be all three.
I’m gonna start saying ‘huzzah.’
Thank God I no longer work for evil, part of a...
I QA bullshit press releases so our company can say ‘duly noted’ and then file them away somewhere never to be seen again instead of actually churning out bullshit press releases so some company can file them away never to be seen again.
But maybe it counts for something that the only reason my household even saw the speech is because it came on after American Gladiators and we didn’t wanna turn off the teevee? Better? Worse?
Maybe I shoulda said Dimaggio?
Bunch of first wave, true believer, bougie lefties (all senior editors and such) standing around the water cooler doing mocking impressions of Bush’s grave invocations of protecting the world from terror and such. And it’s all so rote as to strip it of any punch. Which raises a bunch of frightening points. It’s like Georgie has just stayed around so long as to almost put...
Fuckityfuckfuck. Somebody named a song ‘Oxford Comma’ before I could.
Teh Google is a miraculous thing, old guys!
You wouldn’t think a story that runs Feb. 4 about the AG of Kansas and makes no mention of the scandal for which he is to step down on Jan. 31 would have made it this far. Hey, why am I doing copy editing while being paid like a proofer?
Best gmail exchange today so far
12:08 PM (2 hours ago) Reply its really funny actully. so. i had a sandwhich already becuase i couldnt wait till lunch. so now i finished my lunch and its only noon o’ eight. so. i think i will have a second lunch. going to get some soup. ya. sounds good. soup. 12:36 PM (2 hours ago) Reply you and your government job and your dual lunches!!! what type of soup? cause i think tomato sounds...
Best teh Facebooks messaging exchange today so far
Me Today at 1:35pm that’s d-cizzle for ya! gentrification is fun! we can be part of it! closeted hipsters of the world unite! You Today at 1:56pm Hell yea I’m gonna get some thick rimmed glasses and women’s jeans. Bickety bam I’ll be picking up emo hottie bitches with the quickness. Me Today at 1:57pm Bickety bam, indeed. You Today at 2:24pm It’s funny to look...
Back to the city where it all began
The current fantasy: sell the car, move to the city. You heard it here first!
You know what else has jumped the shark?
People using their Facebook status to ask others to stop sending them app and group requests. And Facebook. And the phrase ‘jumped the shark.’ But NOT Henry Winkler. NEVER Henry Winkler.
Heroes
Still mine.
While I’m on the subject, First Blood Part II is one of the most inherently hilarious movie titles ever. It’s like Snakes on a Plane meta-funny, twenty years ahead of the curve.
To dude in the cube next to mine
Please stop shouting over the cardboard barrier about how great Rambo was. I’m sorry Sly’s too busy fisting Janice Dickinson to give you any play, really I am. But, Jesus, enough already.
A note
Having good taste in and definite ideas about music does not make one a hipster, closeted or otherwise. Motherfucker.
Ah, New Jersey
Fish in a barrel, Stein. Fish in a barrel.
Courtney Love was no Yoko Ono
Long before the ill-advised but at least sincere meddling of Natalie Cole (side note, after some more consideration, I actually think this is kinda bomb) and the shameless money grabs defacing Frank S. and Frank W. that followed, Alice apparently got into the Garden of Eden business. I had no idea this existed. But I’m now glad I did. The concept for the record is essentially, “Hey,...
I accept payment in rye
Okay, maybe I’m evil for making fun of a dude just trying to rep for the downtrodden in his community, but jesus — “The IRS should clearly steer clear…”? “…a $1,000 dollars…”? Bro, if you’re a CPA writing to the government agency that kinda owns the asses of you and your clients, you might wanna hire someone to proof your shit.
Anyone else think it’s past time Pitchfork gave up the ghost on the whole “what’s your ringtone?” question at the end of every guest list? I mean, the answer is almost invariably, “I don’t really have one, but…” Get hip — none of the cool kids have wacky musical ringers. Soooo 2004.
Except, ya know, people would actually care if he...
Totally meant to write this up yesterday (I swear!) but yet again, I must call bullshit. This is little more than part of Weezy’s evil master plan to make Tha Carter III hip-hop’s answer to Chinese Democracy.
Have not been able to tear myself away from the three Daft Punk studio records for weeks now. I’m sure it’s getting to be annoying to other people in my life at this point.
Aspiring to aspirational yuppiedom
Yeesh. Just finished proofing our copy of Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear’s State of the Commonwealth; part of which featured yearning wanking to “Northern Virginia’s high-tech corridor.” At least someone thinks we’re cool?
Seriously, just get an RSS feed of Observer posts...
“‘That’s worth applauding’ and waited.” It’s like Harold Pinter is covering the election. (Is he?)
Whatever, professor
Ya know what really grinds my gears? Editing a doc in which over half of each column is a series of footnotes. Learn to fucking write.
Best e-mail exchange today so far
Subject: Almond Joy’s got nots, Mounds don’t Co-worker: So, you decided what chocolate bar to buy with your big raise? Me: Chocolate bar investment is a tricky matter. On the one hand, perennial favorites like Snickers and Milky Way never seem to go out of style. But those insipid commercials with the dude playing a cloying folksy ditty on acoustic guitar have ruined much of the...
Reasons to go all into the wild
Not to be outdone, Jobs announced the development of iHipster, a chip in your brain that sends out electric shocks anytime you think of listening to Rhianna in an unironic manner or voting Republican.
The fuck is up with D.C. strip clubs and things/people being set on fire?!
And also white guys rapping along to '36 Chambers'...
Okay, Emily got me thinking about Apatow and Knocked Up again. And it comes down to this — I’m only joking when I say the thing that pissed me off was co-opting the best fucking Clash song ever. It’s that he did something much more insidious than romanticize pregnancy. As a fellow dooder put it the other day, the point of the film is that anyone can make a good father. I...
Oh, fuck me.
Please don't take this as a defense of Gessen in...
Alright, Em, you know what my problem with this is? If you really believe that us doods think “[t]here could never be any point in writing an entire book about the sad young literary women,” then why don’t you write that fucking book? We’ve been told for decades in race and gender studies programs that we as white males can never really understand the experience of anyone...
"That was a prayer?"
We are very lucky that Chorie Sicha is on the Observer’s payroll.
Just sayin'
The style guide at my work has a whole section on ‘Gender and Race Identification’; yet we still use the term ‘Indian Taxation’ in our indexes.
Hey Amy, even Billie Holiday wasn't Billie Holiday
Jesus fuck. It’s kinda ridiculously heartbreaking that a woman doing a shabby impression of our recieved idea of a ‘tortured artist’ has her finger so firmly on our zeitgeist.
Greatest passively racist headline not in the Post...
As Richard Lawson has deftly chronicled, the AOL news page is a thing of surreal beauty. Yesterday, they ran a picture of Dr. King with the head “Greatest African American?” Underneath a picture of a triumphant Eli Manning, natch. I mean really, what’s next? “Hitlery: Greatest evil lesbian beard hellbent on world domination ever?” [Note: No link, cuz this was...
I'm the brainwasher
Ya know what the worst/best part about blasting Human After All on your way to work is? The weird looks people give you as you walk around the cubicle maze mouthing “HUMAN, HUMAN, HUMAN, HUMAN” under your breath all day long.